Thinking....

I've been thinking a lot about me, who I am, what I am, what I really expect out of myself and what I will be in a few years based on the paths I'm on now. 

I can't help but wonder why the decisions I make are frequently so contradictory.

I don't know what I want from life and that frightens me. I want to be something but who do I want to be something for? Are the choices I am subconsciously making now bigger than the moment?

Well, I have to completely change paths to avoid being a failure? How do I even define failure in my own life? How high do I set my standards and will I let others decide what I want from life for me?

I need to know what I expect out of this life and where MY heart is totally set. Have I lived my life for me, or my parents, my friends, or anyone else?

I'm not sure I'm saying that outside influence is ad, but where do I draw the line between outside influence and outside interference?

I'm not proud of a lot of decisions I've made before, but I'm not pleased with a lot of decisions others have made for me while thinking it was in my best interest either.

I know what is done is done and the past is meant to be respected but not necessarily repeated, but should it really be discarded or looked away in the closets of the mind, or are we supposed to use it in remembrance while making future decisions?

If we allow our past to influence our future, are we saints or sinners for it? Does judgement leave with us an can we avoid mistakes and evil, or is man condemned to live with and sidestep the impending fate predestined by the Almighty?

Just how far is too far and who decides where the line is to be drawn?